Have you people ever did something so wrong that immediately from where you are, you fell all the way down to the bottom pit? Well, i experienced that.


When certain thing happened, the feeling of being pushed all the way down to the bottom was unbearable. My walk with God slows down, i can see the sort of laid back attitude in me at times. The zeal and the fire is gone. Things that i used to do, i no longer touching it. I have to face people who asked things like "hey, when are you fulfilling your calling?" It's not i don't want to. It's because the timing isn't right and i lack the "something" to become one. At times, the feeling of " i wasn't cut out to do it" would just haunt me.


So what if i can play the guitar well? So what if i have leadership qualities? So what if i can give the best ideas when no one else can offer? It's not just about talents. No wonder "God sometimes would use the foolish to put to shame the wise." How i wish i could start all over again.


It was really a hard fall. Guess the only way is to put aside every other thing in my life to focus on God. I can't understand how God works, but surely He is working on me. A bad fall now would be better off a fall when i hold some position.